If your child looks like they need help to calm down, stop. Pay attention to what your child’s behaviour is telling you about their feelings before you do or say anything else. You can do this by looking closely at your child, watching their body language, listening to what your child is saying. For example, if you ask your child to turn off the TV and have a shower, your child might ignore you, or roll around on the floor and complain loudly. This gives you a clue that your child is feeling angry.
Notice and identify the emotion, then name and connect the emotion to the event. This helps your child learn to understand what they’re feeling and why, how their body reacts to this feeling, what words go with the feeling. For example, if your child is rolling around on the floor and complaining loudly about turning off the TV, you could say, ‘I can see that you’re feeling angry about turning off the TV’.
Pause and say nothing for a few seconds, it gives your child time to take in what you’ve just said. It’s hard not to jump in and start talking, you might find it helps to count slowly to 5 in your head while you wait. If your child is very upset, they might take more time to get their emotions under control, stay calm and close to your child, this shows that you understand and can handle their emotions.
Make sure that they’re safe and you’re safe, go back to step 1, for example, ‘I can see you’re furious about this’. Wait for the strong emotion to pass, be patient, it can be very hard for young children to manage strong feelings. It’s often best just to wait. While your child is calming down, it’s OK to move slightly away from your child, but it’s important to stay close enough to watch them and know they’re safe.