How do you calm a difficult child?
Alayna Rolfson
2025-07-01 14:41:24
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It’s neurobiologically impossible for a child to be more regulated than their parent, so if you want your child to be calm, the first step is staying calm yourself. When you’re hungry, tired or overworked, your ability to calm yourself down in the face of negative child behaviour will plummet. That means getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals and snacks throughout the day and giving yourself some “mommy time.” If you feel yourself losing your cool try “stop, drop and breathe” – breathe deeply from your belly to calm your body naturally. If you start to feel frustrated with your child’s misbehaviour, take a break to calm down. You can continue breathing or visualise a picture of your child at a happier time — like when she had ice cream dripping down her chin and offered you a lick. Instead of yelling, whisper or get very quiet, which can get the message across while de-escalating the situation. It’s much easier to parent that child than the one hitting her sister right now.
Constance Brown
2025-06-28 04:52:38
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If you can recognise the early warning signs, you may be able to prevent behavioural outbursts. For example, if being in a large group of people makes your child feel anxious and they become agitated, you could arrange for them to be in a smaller group or have 1-to-1 support. Some people find a distraction can focus a person's energies elsewhere and prevent them displaying challenging behaviour. But if their behaviour puts them or someone else at risk, you'll need to intervene as calmly as possible. Your child might behave in a challenging way to get your attention. If this is the case, consider not responding directly to their behaviour – although you should not ignore them completely. If a child acts inappropriately in public, try to distract them with another activity. This can be a useful way to defuse the situation.
Vida Marks
2025-06-22 18:59:52
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If your child looks like they need help to calm down, stop. Pay attention to what your child’s behaviour is telling you about their feelings before you do or say anything else. You can do this by looking closely at your child, watching their body language, listening to what your child is saying. For example, if you ask your child to turn off the TV and have a shower, your child might ignore you, or roll around on the floor and complain loudly. This gives you a clue that your child is feeling angry.
Notice and identify the emotion, then name and connect the emotion to the event. This helps your child learn to understand what they’re feeling and why, how their body reacts to this feeling, what words go with the feeling. For example, if your child is rolling around on the floor and complaining loudly about turning off the TV, you could say, ‘I can see that you’re feeling angry about turning off the TV’.
Pause and say nothing for a few seconds, it gives your child time to take in what you’ve just said. It’s hard not to jump in and start talking, you might find it helps to count slowly to 5 in your head while you wait. If your child is very upset, they might take more time to get their emotions under control, stay calm and close to your child, this shows that you understand and can handle their emotions.
Make sure that they’re safe and you’re safe, go back to step 1, for example, ‘I can see you’re furious about this’. Wait for the strong emotion to pass, be patient, it can be very hard for young children to manage strong feelings. It’s often best just to wait. While your child is calming down, it’s OK to move slightly away from your child, but it’s important to stay close enough to watch them and know they’re safe.
Carli Will
2025-06-08 20:56:48
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What most kids need when they are distressed is one, simple, loving validating statement and then space. This is NOT rejecting your child or communicating that her feelings don't matter. It lets her know that you understand and accept her feelings, are not angry or frustrated, AND, that you have confidence that she can work through this difficult moment. Your kids don't need you to try to make it all better. They just need you to be their rock—to tolerate their distress and give them the space to recover. The more parents repeat supportive phrases when their child is melting down, the more dysregulated their child gets. When parents try to get their child to engage in problem-solving to muscle through a frustrating moment, the child's stress increases, making it less likely she will persevere. Leaving the playground before you're ready is hard, do you want to be in charge of your body and get into the car seat or should I be a helper and get you in, this kind of statement can help. Puzzles can be tough and frustrating, would you like some help working on it—I have some ideas—or do you need a break and you can try again later.
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