How do I teach my child not to play rough?

Help children to get a real physical sense, or a kinaesthetic experience of what it feels like to play OK or play too roughly. To give them this experience, we need to take them through activities that show them what it feels like to be ‘too light’, ‘just right’ or ‘too rough’ in play. This might look like: having an arm wrestle with your child, pretend wrestling with ‘floppy or weak’ arms and ‘really strong’ arms. colouring in ‘really softly’, ‘too heavily’ and just right. holding a pencil ‘too loosely’, ‘too tightly’ and just right. We need to give children a sense ‘in their body’ of examples of what it looks and feels like to play too roughly. Use a visual such as a traffic light system to give your child feedback that they are playing too rough. Green would mean that they are playing well. Yellow is the warning that play is getting a little rough and they need to be careful they don’t get too rough. Red is that play is too rough and that they need to slow and calm down, take a break and perhaps do something else. Print out a picture of a traffic light, put it on your fridge or somewhere handy to look at and start using statements like, ‘your play is in the yellow warning zone, you need to play gentler’, or ‘your play is in the red zone you need to be less rough, or perhaps it’s time to stop and take a break’. Write a social story about playing well and not too rough. This can be short and simple such as: ‘I love to play with my little brother. We have lots of fun. Sometimes I get too excited and can touch him too heavily which might hurt him. This is not the best. If I touch him too firmly, I might be touching too hard, and mum might say I’m in the red zone. To play safely, I can take a break and come back later and play nicely in the green zone.’ Add some photos of your children or clip art of kids playing to illustrate the story. Write or print it out and staple it into a book to read at bed time to reinforce the best way of playing and not playing too roughly.

We have to teach them how to self-regulate and move through those big feelings to find different behaviors that do not hurt our friends and peers. Teach Consent When we tell our friends “no,” we want them to respect our answer and not retaliate. Teaching our little ones to respect a friend’s “no” is setting them up to be a respectful and kind human being. Additionally, reassure them that it is okay to be upset or have big feelings about hearing the word “no,” but we need to feel those feelings on our own or with a grown-up, and not take it out on anyone else. Take a Time-In If your little one is playing rough on the playground, during a playdate, or just at home, take them aside and talk to them. Take a moment to sit down, make eye contact, and take a breath — both of you may need a moment to regulate. Set Boundaries and Try an Alternative In order for our little ones to stop playing rough, we have to set boundaries during playtime. You might end up having to take them out of playtime a few times for them to understand. Be an Example Sometimes playing rough is how they see other children play or how they play with siblings. Respect and kindness for each other starts at home. A gentle reminder: have patience with your little one and yourself as you work through this.

Rough play can sometimes lead to real fighting, so try to set ground rules about what is and isn’t OK during play. You can even get young children involved in working out what the rules should be. For example, you and your child might make rules about checking that everyone is happy with playing this way and stopping if anyone seems uncomfortable. This is important because it helps to keep everyone safe. Rough-and-tumble play is usually pretty high energy – chasing, wrestling, spinning and play fighting. The key thing is that everyone is having fun. At this age, it’s important to talk with children about keeping rough play respectful, safe and fun.

Kids may roughhouse because they struggle with: Knowing how much force they’re using. Kids may squeeze too tight when they hug or give a high five that stings. What they think is a light tap on the shoulder might be a shove. Kids may not realize they’re standing too close or that a friend is upset about how rough they’re playing. Kids want that ball right now and don’t stop to think before they grab it. But afterwards, they might feel really bad about having been so rough. It can also be hard for kids to know what’s appropriate from one situation to another. For example, maybe a concerned adult grabbed a child’s arm once in a busy parking lot. If the adult didn’t explain that they only did that for safety reasons, the child may think that grabbing is OK to do with friends.