How do you know when someone wants to fight you?

He would stare at me, and would try to talk to me, and if he couldn't he would try to get through my friends to talk to me, and his friends all looked at me and he looked away smiling, and when I would get up to move, he would either move closer to where I was, or sit in the seat of where I was sitting, and mirror my stance or movements. He would follow me around and stuff. His friends all looked at me and he looked away smiling.

They don’t talk about you when they can promote you. As an author published by one of the largest publishers in the world, I will tell you that your own family can be your most significant liability. Most of my relatives behaved well when I was the family’s black sheep. But they started acting like I didn’t exist when I got some notoriety. I thought they would promote my books or give some to their friends on birthdays, but none of this happened. Lesson: These types of people use indifference against you. And you can’t blame them for not helping you (and they know it). But they don’t want you to progress in case you end up doing better than them.

When someone picks a fight with you, stop the conversation and say what you’re feeling, and then ask how they’re feeling. You might say, “I’m feeling a lot of tension all of a sudden. How are you feeling right now?” They’ll likely try to avoid this question or tell you what they’re thinking and say, “I feel like you’re not listening.” Don’t let them hijack the conversation. Remember that picking fights are largely unconscious; they don’t realize they’re doing it, so when you bring them to the present moment and ask them again to name a feeling, it will de-escalate what’s happening immediately. Hopefully, they’ll be able to name an actual feeling or two, and then you can speak to them from that place. If the person who picks fights always seems to pick them only with you, it’s time to say something directly. “Hey, can I speak to you about something? I’ve noticed a pattern in our relationship. I feel sad and frustrated when we argue. It feels as though you’re picking fights with me. I understand it might not feel that way to you. Someone who’s always picking fights has low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, and they’re lonely and scared, and they’re doing the best with the tools they have. Picking fights, irritability, and angry outbursts can also be signs of mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Drawing boundaries from a loving place is always our best next right action. You can tell the person that you’ll leave the conversation if they continue to treat you a certain way, or you can draw boundaries with how often and when you’ll see them.