What is the psychology behind possessiveness?
Leola Feil
2025-07-19 13:48:15
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Possessiveness in a relationship is the deep need to hold on to a person for himself or herself only. Possessiveness stems from neediness. You need someone because you feel he or she fulfills you in some way and you are incomplete without them. The predominant thought is – “I will lose something valuable if I lose this relationship. The driving force behind possessiveness, in both men and women, is insecurity. It can be overwhelming and create division between partners because it is constricting rather than liberating – as love should be. When you do not want your partner to spend time with anyone else or even pursue interests outside the relationship, when you want all of someones attention and love.
Jordy Gutmann
2025-07-10 03:11:00
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Evolution didn’t exactly help men out when it comes to feelings of possessiveness. Our ancestors? They were all about "survival of the fittest" and “grab that mate before someone else does.” Possessiveness is a weird cocktail of both insecurity and misplaced confidence. See, on one hand, a guy might claim it’s about loving you so much that he doesn’t want anyone else to take his spot. On the other hand, deep down, he’s probably worried someone else might actually do it better. It's like he’s so sure you're amazing, that he’s petrified someone else might realize it too. Often, male possessiveness is a symptom of something much more basic: poor communication. A guy who’s genuinely into you but too afraid of his own emotions (or just plain bad at talking about them) might lean into possessiveness because it feels easier than, you know, saying, “I trust you, but I’m insecure about this.”
Erik Gaylord
2025-06-30 04:30:07
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The psychology of possessiveness, there is one major cause of the insecurity that causes possessiveness: self-abandonment. By self-abandonment, I mean not taking responsibility for your own feelings of safety and self-worth and instead making your partner responsible for making you feel secure, loved, and lovable. No matter how much your partner tries to make you feel safe, such as spending more time with you or restricting their contact with whoever threatens you, you will still feel insecure if you are abandoning yourself by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings, or making your partner responsible for your self-worth. You will always feel insecure, inadequate, and not good enough, and you will always feel threatened by others when you are rejecting and abandoning yourself. Inner security is the result of one thing: learning to see, value, and love who you are in your soul essence. We each come into life with a beautiful soul—a spark of the divine with our own wonderful qualities and gifts. When we fall in love with each other, we fall in love with each other's true soul self. But not long into a relationship, if you have been abandoning yourself, fears of loss of yourself or loss of your partner get triggered, and the programmed ego-wounded self takes over with your false beliefs about you not being good enough. If you were to truly see your own beautiful essence, you would never be threatened by others. You would know that your partner loves your wonderful essence and feels connected with who you really are.
Mike Kassulke
2025-06-21 17:45:42
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: 18
When we find ourselves romantically drawn to someone because of their kindness, intelligence or sense of humor, we are making a subconscious evaluation of whether someone could be a good match for us in the long-term. Generally speaking, the higher we perceive our partner’s mate value to be, the harder we will fight for them to stay in the relationship. This tends to happen through two types of “mate retention” behaviors: Benefit-inducing behaviors and Cost-inflicting behaviors. With possessiveness in particular, the line between being possessive and confidently “guarding” what is valuable to you seems to blur. This may have a lot to do with how we value ourselves and our partner in the dating market. A desire to be the first person to comfort your partner is a subtle form of possessiveness that stems from a place of care and concern. It’s about wanting to be there for your partner to provide emotional support and reassurance. This is different from controlling or dominating behavior, which is often associated with negative forms of possessiveness.
Antonette Roob
2025-06-21 13:51:37
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: 21
Possessiveness is fundamentally a fear of loss. Possessive people worry that their partners will leave them. This creates feelings of fear, anger, and sadness. Possessiveness often stems from insecurities related to attachment styles. People with attachment anxiety tend to have a negative view of themselves and a positive view of others. They worry that their partners can’t be trusted. They have a chronic fear of rejection. Possessiveness can also be a sign of borderline personality disorder. People with this disorder often have mood swings. They exhibit extreme possessiveness in an effort to avoid perceived abandonment. Trust is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship, and people who are securely attached believe they’re worthy of love and that others can be trusted.
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