What is the psychology behind possessiveness?
Mike Kassulke
2025-06-21 17:45:42
Count answers: 6
When we find ourselves romantically drawn to someone because of their kindness, intelligence or sense of humor, we are making a subconscious evaluation of whether someone could be a good match for us in the long-term. Generally speaking, the higher we perceive our partner’s mate value to be, the harder we will fight for them to stay in the relationship. This tends to happen through two types of “mate retention” behaviors: Benefit-inducing behaviors and Cost-inflicting behaviors. With possessiveness in particular, the line between being possessive and confidently “guarding” what is valuable to you seems to blur. This may have a lot to do with how we value ourselves and our partner in the dating market. A desire to be the first person to comfort your partner is a subtle form of possessiveness that stems from a place of care and concern. It’s about wanting to be there for your partner to provide emotional support and reassurance. This is different from controlling or dominating behavior, which is often associated with negative forms of possessiveness.
Antonette Roob
2025-06-21 13:51:37
Count answers: 9
Possessiveness is fundamentally a fear of loss. Possessive people worry that their partners will leave them. This creates feelings of fear, anger, and sadness. Possessiveness often stems from insecurities related to attachment styles. People with attachment anxiety tend to have a negative view of themselves and a positive view of others. They worry that their partners can’t be trusted. They have a chronic fear of rejection. Possessiveness can also be a sign of borderline personality disorder. People with this disorder often have mood swings. They exhibit extreme possessiveness in an effort to avoid perceived abandonment. Trust is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship, and people who are securely attached believe they’re worthy of love and that others can be trusted.
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