Do people with ADHD understand boundaries?

i keep crossing peoples boundaries and being completely unaware of it i post really frequently on social media and i just now found out my roommate doesn’t like spontaneous pictures of them i always go to the extreme when stuff like this happens i feel so inconsiderate bc this all feels like such basic information but all of it completely slipped my mind idk if it’s because i have very few boundaries myself or something else i’m so confused and feel like i’ll screw everything up the moment i leave my bed is this a thing other people experience?? i want to isolate myself so badly so i can’t cross any more boundaries without realizing it i feel like an awful person

Boundaries are the rules you set for yourself and for others. Since ADHD is a self-regulation disorder, it’s no wonder ADDers struggle with boundaries. Between impulsivity and failing to self-regulate, ADHDers are in trouble. Other examples of poor boundaries include revealing too much in a work conversation, behaving impulsively, failing to get motivated, failing to see the other person’s perspective or the big picture or acting on feelings of anger or frustration such as quitting a job on impulse. Poor boundaries cause us to suffer with guilt, shame, resentment, and can harm relationships. They may keep us feeling trapped and overwhelmed, or feeling anxious or depressed. Healthy boundaries bring us self-confidence and self-respect, leading to higher productivity, more energy, and overall happiness.

Since Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a self-regulation disorder, many folks with ADHD struggle with boundaries. Due to difficulty setting boundaries, many ADHDers struggle with saying yes to everything and everyone on the one hand, while saying no to their own needs or self-care on the other. Boundaries are the rules you set for yourself and others. They dictate what’s ok and what’s not ok for you. And boundaries can come up around anything: time, people, emotions, work, etc. Guilt over past mistakes. It’s really common for adults with ADHD to feel pressure to take on more because of their past mistakes. Feeling inadequate. While taking on too much can be caused by guilt, it might also come from feeling unworthy to take on less. Time blindness. Emotions aside, many ADHDers struggle to plan ahead and can be blind to time. Difficulty with planning can then create time-management struggles, which can put a person in constant “catch-up” mode.

People with ADHD say what they think and ask what they want to know — not necessarily what they’re expected to say. We can cross healthy boundaries without realizing it. At best, this causes confusion. At worst, it causes psychological harm. How are we supposed to know someone’s boundaries — and if we crossed them. Healthy Boundaries Aren’t Always Obvious. As someone who is quite open, I forget that conversations can have some implied motive, subtext, or a hidden agenda beyond the words being said. Since when was being manipulative more expected than being open and honest about our needs. People with ADHD say what they think and ask what they want to know — not necessarily what they’re expected to say.

Impulsivity, trouble with self-regulation, social struggles, low self-esteem, difficulties with planning, and a need for instant gratification all contribute to this challenge. Individuals with ADHD often struggle with self-regulation, making it hard for them to control their reactions and enforce boundaries consistently. They may experience strong emotional responses, such as frustration or anxiety, which can make it challenging to assert their needs or say no to others. Many individuals with ADHD face social difficulties, including challenges in interpreting social cues and understanding the perspectives of others. These social challenges can make it hard for them to navigate complex social interactions and set appropriate boundaries. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with low self-esteem due to academic difficulties, social challenges, and negative feedback from peers and adults. This low self-esteem can make them hesitant to assert themselves or set boundaries, as they might fear being disliked or seen as difficult. Executive functioning skills, which include planning, organizing, and prioritizing tasks, are often impaired in individuals with ADHD, making it challenging for them to anticipate the need for boundaries, recognize when they are being challenged, and implement strategies to enforce them. Individuals with ADHD often seek instant gratification and may prioritize immediate rewards over long-term benefits, which can lead them to agree to requests or engage in activities without considering the potential negative impact on their time, energy, or well-being.

Kids with ADHD may interrupt, talk too much, or talk loudly. They might overshare or say something upsetting without meaning to. Kids with ADHD may also struggle to spot the signs that they’ve crossed a boundary, like a friend who rolls their eyes or backs away. That’s because many kids with ADHD struggle with self-control. They’re often impulsive and act without thinking. So, a child with ADHD might rush up and hug a friend without asking if it’s OK. Trouble with social skills or with managing emotions can also create problems. Kids might not react in an appropriate way if their own boundaries aren’t respected. Respecting other people’s time is another challenging boundary. Kids with ADHD are often late, stay too long, or seem totally unaware of other people’s schedules.