What is groomers

Grooming is manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught. Grooming can take place online or in-person. It’s usually employed by a family member or someone else in the victim’s circle of trust, such as a coach, teacher, youth group leader or others who naturally have some interaction with the victim. Though grooming can take many different forms, it often follows a similar pattern. Victim selection, gaining access and isolating the victim, trust development and keeping secrets, and desensitization to touch and discussion of sexual topics are all common tactics used in grooming. Abusers attempt to gain trust of a potential victim through gifts, attention, sharing secrets and other means to make them feel that they have a caring relationship and to train them to keep the relationship secret. Abusers will often start to touch a victim in ways that appear harmless, such as hugging, wrestling and tickling, and later escalate to increasingly more sexual contact. Grooming behaviors are not only used to gain a victim’s trust, but often are used to create a trustworthy image and relationship with their family and community. Online grooming often involves adults creating fake profiles and posing as children or teens in order to befriend someone and gain their trust.

Grooming occurs when someone builds a relationship of trust and an emotional connection with another person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. People who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited, or trafficked. Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender, or race. Grooming can take place over a short or long period of time – from weeks to years. The relationship a groomer builds can take different forms, this could be a romantic relationship, as a mentor, authority figure, or as a dominant and persistent figure. Groomers may also build a relationship with the person's family or friends to make them seem trustworthy or authoritative. People can be groomed online, in person or both – by a stranger or someone they know. Whether online or in person, groomers can use tactics like pretending to be younger, giving advice, or showing understanding, buying gifts, giving attention, taking them on trips, outings, or holidays.

Groomers typically use certain patterns of behaviour to lead a child to believe that what is happening is normal, or to make the child feel trapped. Groomers gain trust by pretending to be someone they’re not, for example saying they are the same age as the child online, offering advice or understanding, buying gifts, giving the child attention, using their professional position or reputation, taking the child on trips, outings or holidays. A groomer hides their true intentions and over time gains the child’s trust and confidence in order to abuse them. The child or young person is conditioned to respect, trust and love their groomer. They may not understand they are being groomed because they consider their groomer to be a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. Groomers use a range of strategies to entrap a child and manipulate them, presenting themselves as approachable, likeable and having shared interests with the child they are targeting. Groomers will test a child’s compliance by persuading them to carry out inappropriate or abusive activities. Groomers can use social media, instant messaging apps or online gaming platforms to connect with a young person or child. Groomers don't always target a particular child, sometimes they'll send messages to hundreds of young people and wait to see who responds.

Grooming describes the preparatory stage of child sexual abuse that offenders use to gain the trust and compliance of the child or young person and to establish secrecy and silence to avoid disclosure. Grooming may occur in person or online. It is essential to understand that it is not just the child or young person that is groomed, parents, caregivers and other significant adults can also be groomed by the person intending to sexually harm the child. Perpetrators are often seen as upstanding, likeable and charming, taking the time to build the trust of the child and adults around the child. This process can take weeks, months or even years, but the end goal is always the same – to gain unsupervised access to the child for the purpose of sexually abusing them and keeping them from disclosing. Grooming hides behind harmless actions and behaviours often look similar to genuine or caring behaviours, making it challenging for parents and caretakers to establish if a child is being groomed. Most offenders are known to the child and/or the family, with 79% of child sexual abuse survivors reporting they were abused by a relative, friend, acquaintance or neighbour.

Children and young people can be groomed online, in person or both – by a stranger or someone they know. This could be a family member, a friend or someone who has targeted them – like a teacher, faith group leader or sports coach. A groomer can use the same sites, games and apps as young people, spending time learning about a young person's interests and use this to build a relationship with them. Whether online or in person, groomers can use tactics like: pretending to be younger giving advice or showing understanding buying gifts giving attention taking them on trips, outings or holidays. Groomers might also try and isolate children from their friends and family, making them feel dependent on them and giving the groomer power and control over them. The relationship a groomer builds can take different forms. This could be: a romantic relationship as a mentor an authority figure a dominant and persistent figure. When a child is groomed online, groomers may hide who they are by sending photos or videos of other people. They might target one child online or contact lots of children very quickly and wait for them to respond.