How to self-regulate when triggered?

Self-regulation is the act of controlling your behaviors, thoughts, emotions, choices, and impulses. Self-regulation skills help you keep negative emotions in check and think before you react. When confronted with distressing or challenging situations, people with a strong ability to self-regulate can maintain a measured outlook and respond with thoughtfulness and maturity. One way to improve self-regulation is to use the four-step Stop-Breathe-Reflect-Choose approach: When you feel upsetting emotions, tell yourself to calm down and think more clearly. Try to relax by taking deep slow breaths, counting to 10, or taking a walk. Don't react until you feel like you have your emotions under control. Think about responding instead of simply reacting. Mindfulness plays a strong role in self-regulation, it involves focusing one's awareness on the breath and then expanding awareness in an open way to passing thoughts, and taking the time to calm them by focusing on the present moment without judgment. Practicing mindfulness helps you appreciate the simple pleasures of life, then, when you face stressful situations, you can tap into those feelings of peace and satisfaction to help you self-regulate and keep your emotions under your control. Cognitive behavioral strategies help one reduce internal drivers of emotional dysregulation by replacing unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with positive ones.

Get grounded. When triggered, your nervous system freaks the f*ck out. Remind your nervous system that it’s safe to be in your body by breathing, doing a body scan, and/or orienting yourself to the present moment. My 2 favorite ways to do this are to: Play a therapeutic version of “I spy.” Challenge yourself to find 5 blue objects, 4 round objects, 3 square things. Engage the senses. A personal go-to is to apply scented handcream while taking deep breaths. Get outside. Nature, even NYC’s version of nature, is better than fluorescent lights and stale air. If it feels safe to get your body moving, try going for a short walk. Get space from the trigger. You can end a conversation that’s triggering you, you can walk away and say you need to pee, you can pretend your dog needs a walk, you can turn off the TV, and you can tell people you need a time out. Get connected to the right people. Call a friend/family member and tell them you need them to listen without giving you advice. Get support from a professional. Find a qualified therapist who’s been trained in trauma-specific therapeutic modalities such as Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Internal Family Systems, and EMDR.

When you start to feel like your emotions are about to take off on a roller coaster ride take a few seconds to slow down and breathe to calm your body. A deep sigh is your body-brain’s natural way to release tension and reset your nervous system. It can be difficult to be objective when we’re triggered so remember that it is OK to step away for a moment to let yourself calm down. You can end a conversation, put down your phone or walk away from your computer. If it feels safe to get your body moving, try going for a short mindful walk. All you need to do is notice the sensations of walking - the sights, sounds and feelings of each step. When we’re triggered, our thoughts can run riot in our head so it can be useful to give them a place to live. Journaling can help us release stuck emotions and make sense of our thoughts and feelings. Accept Your Feelings, so be gentle with yourself and try to stay as non-judgemental as possible about your feelings. Offer yourself empathy and compassion for whatever painful feelings you uncover and remind yourself that it’s not a bad thing to have extreme reactions to things.